Numinations ó April, 1999

Two Limericks

© 1999, by Gary D. Campbell

There once was a moron whose moxey
Got him into a college with ROTC.
But this oxymoron
Has little to go on,
And falls quite a bit short of foxy.

A clean Limerick is hard to compose.
A complete waste of time Iíd suppose.
You could sit there for hours,
Engaging your powers,
And never break out of your prose.

Oxymorons and Other Nonsense

(collected from the net and originating from who knows where)

Iíd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

I always wanted to be a procrastinator.

If you want people to know where you stand, wear the same socks for two weeks.

The shortest distance between two point is how far apart they are.

Some people say that Iím superficial, but thatís just on the surface.

On one hand, Iím indecisive; but on the other, Iím not.

If thereís one thing I canít stand itís intolerance.

The worldís full of apathy, but I donít care.

Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.

Prejudiced people are all alike.

What is the probability that something will happen according to the odds?

87% of all statistics are just made up on the spot.

Those who judge others will burn in Hell!

Exaggeration is not all itís cracked up to be.

Evil is not all bad.

Iím still not sure I understand ambiguity.

Thereís no such thing as nonexistence.

Cooperation can only be reached if we work together.

He doesnít have much of a reputation, or so Iíve heard.

I disagree with unanimity.

I have my doubts about disbelief.

Avoid Alliteration. Always.

Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

One should never generalize.

Avoid cliches like the plague.

Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

I always try to do things in chronological order.

A Plateau is the highest form of flattery.

I have a twin brother; heís identical, but Iím not.

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than an understatement.

Death to all fanatics!

If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.

An oral contract isnít worth the paper itís written on.

Itís Deja Vu all over again.

If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure.

Donít be redundant by repeating yourself.

I am becoming increasingly worried that there isnít enough anxiety in my life.

I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid.

There are only three kinds of people: those who can count, and those who canít.

ďNo officer, I do not wish to give up my right to remain silent!Ē

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